To have lost and loved
by Chocolatetooth44
Summary: What was the fate of the cat the Potter's once owned? To have loved and lost, the only family she has had, devastates her and their death means nothing will be the same ever again. This is her story and the Potter's told from her point of view. COMPLETE!
1. Survival of the fittest

**A/N I do not own Harry Potter or warriors (a couple of mentions) **

**If I did own Harry potter, Harry would have ended up with Luna! ^v^ $#****

Frost was trekking through the thick snow. The she-kits's ribs were showing through her white and grey pelt and her bright amber eyes were dull with defeat. She was shivering violently and the bitter cold seemed to bite every centimetre of her. Cold,tired,starving and alone. But the worst pain by far, was the pang in her chest she felt everytime she thought of her mother and brother. Both dead and far gone from this world. Her mother had died defending her kits from a hungry fox. Her brother had died from poisonous berries. And his death had been all her fault.

Frost wanted to give up. To let her body drop into the snow. Let death claim her so she could truly join her mother and Hawk.

She imagined the brown tabby with grey missed him so much. And her mother, Lilyfrost. It had been twelve days since her mother had died and four since Hawk had died.

_I want to join Hawk and mother. I'm lonely and cold and tired and hungry. All I can see is snow and trees.I want it to all just end._

_I have so much to say to you Hawk and mother. It will be so good to be able to to speak to you. Have you been watching me all this time? Oh, Hawk I'm so sorry. Your death was my fault. All my fault._

Frost thought of her mother's sacrifice.

Frost was the only living member of their family who they knew of. Their mother had sacrificed her life for her kits. Giving up on her life so easily, would be a poor way to repay her mother's sacrifice. What good was dying a coward? She should atleast give this life a shot.

Somehow she found the will to keep one paw in front of the other. To keep going. Yes, it was a tough journey. The last meal she had was seven days ago. Everytime she drifted into sleep she had terrible nightmares, so she was exhausted. Nightmares where she relived her mother's and brother's deaths over and over. The cold was painful as was the agony of alienation.

_Why do I have to be so alone?_

No father,mother or brother or her and the snow. Not even a glimpse of small animals.

_What am I going to eat?_

Frost's mother had little time to teach her kits to hunt for themselves, before she died. It had been a fluke that Frost and Hawk had caught that shrew they had shared. But that was long way back, where it wasn't snowing. There wasn't much prey in the snow. She sighed as she thought of the pampered and cosy overfed lives of kittypets. As gross as the food looked, it was much better than the hollow, aching, emptiness she felt in her the thought of being close to a no-claw disgusted her. Frost despised no-claws. She decided to to just take a power rest in tree hollow. Frost had no idea how long she lay . ? Well, not quite days, but still a long time. Frost had lost all sense of time.

Frost blinked in surprise when a ball of snow sailed centimetres away from her tree hollow hideout and hit a no-claw kit splat on the arm. The no-claw kits chased eachother continuously throwing the balls of snow at eachother.

_No-claws are weird. How are they are not as cold as I am?_

Finally she got up. Slowly. She plodded one paw in front of the other. Clumsily, as she was determinedly. She could make out a whole street of the no-claws' nests. Frost also seemed to have lost all sense of direction. She just walked blindly forwards.

_I must be insane._

She was heading straight towards no-claw nests. Under normal circumstances she would have avoided them the way she avoided crowfood. They were her absolute last resort. She hated them, because of what they had done to her seemed to be no other option for her survival, recalled her brief encounter with kittypets, as her father was one. She wrinkled her nose imagining the food that no-claws served their kittypets which looked suspiciously like rabbit droppings. The strange and uncomfortable looking, colourful tendrils which were wrapped around their necks with a small bell on it. But, it most certainly was a better alternative to starving.

_And I can keep my promise. I can live some kind of life._

She saw a pretty twoleg nest and was under the strange impression, most of the twolegs could not see it.

This intrigued her. She made her way towards stood just outside the door. So close. Frost could hear merry laughter from inside the house.

_Will I ever be that happy again?_

She stayed there for a longtime, not daring to call out. Not sure if she had done the right thing.

Her exhaustion and hunger overwhelmed her as she blacked out.

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"How much longer do we have to travel, mother?" Frost asked the white and brown tabby she cat.

"We have been travelling for days. How much further? Why are we going so far away?" asked Hawk.

Frost and Hawk had not seen their father Ollie for several days before their journey and had relentlessly questioned their mother as to what had happened to him. She would not tell them and insisted on changing the subject when it was brought up.

Lilyfrost sighed and was silent a long time. She led them inside a tree hollow.

"I always thought you two were too young to exposed to the real reason we are on this journey. Why we have not visited your father for almost half a moon. Why we have stayed so far away from twolegs. But you two are almost six moons old. I believe it is time I told you"

The two kits' eyes went huge.

" I was once a member of a group of cats called Skyclan. A respected warrior. But one day I whilst was stalking a mouse which led me deep into the no-claw's territory,I was taken by twolegs and kept as a kittypet. I hated the trapped, padded life. But then I met your father. We soon fell in love. I escaped and lived life as a loner for a little while. Though he would sometimes visit me. I decided to make the journey back to Skyclan. But I was sorely . Skyclan had been driven out their territory by twolegs and on my back I realized I was pregnant. I could not make such a long journey to find the whereabouts of my clan when I was pregnant so I spent time with Ollie. As you remember he helped raise you as kits. As you also probably remember too, Ollie had suffering from difficulty with breathing. Then these sinister lumps were growing on his belly. I left you with Daisy to take care of you whilst I went to see your father. I watched the twolegs take him inside their car. I followed them and they went inside this strange some time they came back. With no Ollie. I was very suspicious. I spoke to some other kittypets. They said he must have been 'put down' which means they killed him. I have been wary of no-claws you should be too."

Frost and Hawk just stared at her. No one said a word for a long time.

"So we're looking for Skyclan?" Frost asked finally. Frost felt as though her entire world was spinning before her eyes. These new discoveries were overwhelming. The three cats soon fell asleep.

Frost was nudged to her paws by her mother and the three cats left in the pale dawnlight. The journey seemed to go on forever. In between eating freshkill,drinking and sleeping. The environment around them constantly changed. It kept the kit's boredom at ease for a while at least. They spoke to eachother in hushed voices.

"Alright kits, lets play I spy" mewed their mother trying to be upbeat. She fooled no one, but Frost and Hawk were grateful for the distraction.

"I spy something yellow" said Frost,

"The sun?" suggested Lilyfrost.

"A bird" said Hawk.

"Nope" mewed Frost triumphantly. "A daffodil!"

The next event shattered their whole world.

It happend so quickly. A fox sprang from the bushes, its eyes fixed hungrily on the kits. Lilyfrost sprang forward furiously clawing and spitting at the fox in an attempt to defend her kits.

"Run! Get out of here! Save yourselves whilst you still can!" she yowled blood pouring from the many wounds in her body, alarmingly like a fountain. Hawk and Frost who had been frozen with shock, came to their senses and ran. They ran for a long time until they reached a small tree two kits huddled together, desperate for comfort. they after a while found sleep. Even after they woke up there was silence for a long time.

"I will go and check" Frost said at last, her fear pounding through her body.

"I'll go with you!" said Hawk who tried to sound brave, but the crack in his voice gave him away.

Frost wanted to protest but decided it would make it easier if both of them went. They hid behind every bush and tree in sight on their way. Their ears pricked, eyes furtive for the slightest sign of danger. They gasped, because the sight that met their eyes was absolutely horrifying. The body of their mother,bearing many wounds and scars, a furious expression permanently on her face and her eyes gazing into the worst fears had been confirmed. Their mother was dead.

Hawk couldn't bear to see his mother in this state and wanted to had to say one last goodbye before she was ready to leave. She brushed muzzles with her mother one last time.

"Goodbye mother. I'll look after Hawk. I promise" she murmured fervently

The two siblings were in such low spirits they did not say one word to eachother for the rest of the rest of the day. They traveled for days having only eachother as company. They spoke to eachother to pass the time. To ease their fears and pain. Between them they only ate a shrew. Both were starving. Frost spotted a bush with bright red were getting so desperate they were even willing to eat something that wasn't as satisfying as freshkill. "Let's eat these pretty berries!" declared Frost leading her brother towards a berry bush. As expected Hawk was ready to go along with was slightly smaller and a little more desperate than Frost. He ate three berries eagerly. Just as she was was about to help herself,Hawk collapsed. "Hawk? Hawk!" she yowled. He was scrabbling desperately and struggling to breathe. Frost realized that the berries must have been poisonous. "Noooo!" she cried. She thought desperately as to what she should do. But Frost was as helpless as Hawk was. She felt like a terrible sister. She was supposed to take care of her smaller brother and she had led him to his death. Frost could only watch Hawk and attempt to comfort him. Hawk finally ceased moving and was still. Frost lay by his body for a long time.

_His death is my fault. All my fault. And I broke my promise._

She travelled for days her guilt consuming her as well as her hunger,coldness,solitude and exhaustion.

Frost opened her eyes and she was no longer in the snow. She was wrapped in some blankets she saw a bowl of water and a bowl of food on either side. She lapped up the water and wolfed down the cat food in a few large bites.

_When was the last time I was so full?_

Frost's eyes were adjusting to her environment. She saw a female no-claw with a fiery red pelt on her head. Her mate had messy black head pelt and his eyes were magnified by round see-through thing which was balanced on his nose and which made his eyes look owl-like.

_Red and Owleyes._

There was a male no-claw with a wild tangle of dark hair and next to him a male no-claw with brown head fur and thin scars and was raggedly dressed.

_Tangle and Scruffy._

The last person was a portly and short no-claw with mousy head fur. He twitched a lot and reminded Frost of an oversized rat.

_Ratface._

Frost was a little apprehensive.

No-claws killed my father.

They saved me from dying.

I will just have to let my destiny happen.

**A/N Hope you enjoyed my first chapter of this story. Comments,reviews, and feedback of any sort is appreciated. Loved it? Hated it? Thought it was Ok? I would love to hear your opinions and how I might improve. This fic will only be two or three chapters long and I will update this as soon as I can. It will take a few days though. **


	2. To have loved and lost (End)

Frost purred contentedly as Lily stroked her, whilst she was resting on her comfortable cushion. Several moons had passed since she had been rescued by the no-claws who, she had begun to know as Lily and James. She wanted to move on from her old life and turn over a fresh leaf. Her life with the Potters had been a welcome change from moving constantly and being hungry,cold and tired all the time. Though, she would never stop missing her mother or brother. Frost's initial distrust of no-claws had made her feel slightly hostile towards them for her first few days. Though, after a while of living with the Potter's, Frost warmed up to them. Frost had finally learned the names of their friends; Sirius,Remus and Peter. She had grown to like Remus and Sirius, but very much distrusted Peter. There were also other members who visted, though Frost did not know them very always referred to him as Ratface, and that was probably never going to was very twitchy and furtive and Frost could smell his fear which crackled like electricity.

Her nightmares about Hawk and her mother had become less frequent. And that was helping her sleep much better.

As much as he loved the Potters and their friends, beside Ratface, they were the strangest no-claws Frost had ever encountered. For one, they waved sticks and chanted things, which seemed to make strange things happen. Such as causing things to lift off the ground. Or to make dirt dissappear. Or to do a number of things.

Frost had most certainly never seen a no-claw able to do those sort of things before.

She had also noticed lately that Lily's belly seemed to be very plump.

Had she been eating too much? Her mate seemed to be fonder of her more than ever, and gently rubbed her belly very proudly. Why did he seem so proud of her newly found plumpness?

_So much has changed. _

Altough some things stayed the same. Frost had still not developed a taste for the kittypet food which looked like rabbit droppings. She always looked forward to being given a fish which had become a treat. This didn't stop Frost, however, from hunting the occasional mouse. She had soon learned that Lily and James did not appreciate her bringing her catch to them. She had been showing off her hunting skills,but soon she learned to eat the mouse and dump the remains outside.

Frost heard a knock on the door and Sirius,Remus and Ratface entered.

_They have been visiting us more often since she had put on weight._

Some changes were for the worse. Frost didn't understand why but suddenly the house was always locked and she could never go outside. She was extremely frustrated, as cosy as the Potter's house was, nothing could replace freshair and being outdoors. But she especially missed gossiping with Percy and Poppy, two kittypets who lived across the street. She still remembered their first meeting.

"Never seen you 'round here darlin'" mewed a black tom.

"You must be new. What's your name?" mewed a white she cat.

"I'm Frost.I used to hunt and live for myself. But now I live with my family and I am happy." said Frost.

" So this sweet 'eart is a wild cat!" mewed the black tom looking impressed. "I'm Percy and this is Poppy.''

The two cats introduced Frost to a whole bunch of cats, who she had forgotten the names of half of them. She decided to stick with these two.

"Can your no-claws make things move around the room with sticks in their paws?" she asked them curiously. She had always wondered if her no-claws were just stranger than your average no-claw or if this was normal.

"Ya mean housefolk, don't ya?" asked Percy.

"If that's what you kittypets call no-claws" shrugged Frost.

"Ya wild cats have some cloudcoocoo strange names for thin's. We're housecats." said Percy.

"I never thought I would meet a genuine wild cat before. My ma always spoke to me 'bout 'em. Said they ate other cats bones and were quite vicious. Ya don't seem anythin' like that Frost. Well now I can tell everyone it's a load o' to me housefolk can't do anythin' o' the sort. Never heard of anythin' like that"

"I guess your housefolk are just stranger than normal" said Poppy dismissively.

Frost was curled up on her mat and listened to their conversation as they spoke in serious tones. Frost caught words here and there, though it was in no-claw language so she had no understanding of what they meant.

"Did you hear the Death eaters murdered seven muggles in one go, on Primrose street?" said James.

"Now killing muggles has just become a sport for them. I mean, who's going to stop them? The ministry of Magic has lost control and can do stuff all" said Remus gravely.

"Terrible" muttered Ratface, who Frost guessed was just as twitchy and furtive as ever.

Frost listened to their voices for awhile before she sighed and fell asleep.

Frost, in the living room was anxious as she heard Lily's agonising screams. Lily had been sitting with James on the couch pressing her lips to his, which Frost assumed must be a no-claw way of showing affection. But then Lily's face contorted with pain and she had began to scream, before crying out: "The baby's coming!"

James had sat by her side looking concerned whilst holding her hand and then rushed her into their bedroom.

They were there for hours before finally emerging fom their bedroom with a bundle.

It was a no-claw kit with dark hair. Seeing the kit made Frost feel like a total idiot. She should have realized that Lily had been pregnant.

_How could I be so stupid? The increased visits, James' extra fondness of her and her plumpness._

It now all made so much sense.

Frost was relieved, it was nothing serious, and was pleased to have a new addition to the family. The couple had named their son Harry.

Harry. Frost felt a fierce protectiveness over this kit, as if he was her own. Her heart swelled with love for him. Frost's head was spinning.

_I have lost so much and yet gained so much._

She had lost her family and formed part of a new one. Frost knew that she would always love and always be part of this family.

_I have found the place where I belong._

Now that little Harry had been born the Potters were busier than usual. Harry would cry several times during the night. This startled Frost the first few times but, as it became more of a routine, she learned to sleep through it. The new kit seemed to take up a lot of their time having to be fed,changed,bathed and played with. As much as Frost loved Harry, she could not help feeling slightly resentful, when she was paid a lot less attention than she was used to. When Harry was a few months old, the Potters left their house for the first time in moons. Frost used this as an opportunity to leave the house to breathe in the fresh air, feel the soft ,springy grass beneath her paws. Feel the sun on her back and climb up some trees. She decided to watch from her tree what they were doing in a building that was called a church. They were performing some kind of ceremony. A no-claw that Frost didn't recognise, sprinkled water over Harry's head and solemnly said things in no-claw language. James,Lily and Sirius were present, but Ratface and Remus were not. This bewildered Frost because Remus,Sirius and Ratface seemed to always show up together.

"Spyin' on our housefolk are we?"

Frost gave a start, but felt foolish when she saw the familliar green eyes and black pelt of Percy.

"I was just curious, as to what they were doing in there" shrugged Frost.

"Well me housefolk are always comin' ere on the seventh day" he said.

"Any idea why?" Frost asked.

"Just a housefolk quirk I s'pose" Percy yawned.

"It's the middle of the day, why are you so tired?" Frost asked casually.

"Just been up all night 'cos I couldn't sleep and my housefolk were having a rowdy disagreement"

" How did you know I-?" Frost started before realizing that Percy was gone.

Harry had soon gotten to the stage where he had begun to crawl. He made happy gurgling noises and often tried to grab Frost's tail. She had learned how to make sure he was never able to. Though she was never really cross with him,because he didn't mean any harm, and sometimes he reached out to stroke her. She would brush against him gently to show her affection for him. Since Harry's special ceremony Frost had not had another opportunity to leave th house. She began to feel increasingly cooped up, and was thankful that she could at least play with the no-claw kit. Unfamiliar no-claws that Frost did not recognise were beginning to visit the house more and more frequently.

Yet another ceremony occurred for Harry. Yet again it was a quiet affair. An elderly no-claw and Sirius came to visit them. The elderly no-claw gave Harry a new pelt to wear and Sirius gave him a no-claw object called a broom.

By this time, Harry could walk and speak a bit of no-claw language. He looked at the broom and reached out his hand excitedly. Frost watched in curiosity as Harry clambered onto the broom and it took of, Harry giggling happily. But then it came flying right towards her, almost killing her. She screeched and hissed as she leapt out the way. Lily, James,Sirius and the elderly woman roared with laughter as Harry zoomed around the living room.

"He's a natural, he'll be a famous Quidditch player some day" James chuckled.

Frost watched this happening in amusement, before slinking away onto her favourite cushion.

Two months had passed and Frost could sense the urgent and the tense atmosphere. Remus,Sirius and Ratface all appeared that evening.

"There is a very urgent matter at hand" said Sirius quietly.

"You-know-who is getting desperate to kill the one who stands in his way. He will kill, torture thousands to find Harry. He will suspect me. I am the most obvious choice for secret keeper."

"And so we propose a last minute change in secret keepers" Remus said solemnly.

"We think I should be secret keeper. The Dar- I mean you-know-who will never suspect me as secret keeper"

said Ratface.

Frost could tell he was trying to remain composed, but she could sense his excitement and he was quite pink in the face.

There was a moments silence.

"Alright you have a have a point" said Lily.

Frost thought that Ratface perhaps had to suppress a squeal of excitement.

She went up to them so they could stroke her as she purred contentedly.

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Frost had no idea that that today was the very last day that she would spend with the she had known, being cooped up into their little house would have been the least of her worries. It seemed like a perfectly normal day. Playing with little Harry. Eating the food which looked like rabbit droppings. Being stroked by Lily and James.

Just the usual. She had a little contented nap.

_I'm so happy that I have found this family. I'm so happy to be part of this family._

Harry had another go on his broom and after getting used to the thing, Frost had learned to stay clear of it.

Harry seemed so happy, so at ease with this contraption, it was almost like it was made for him. He was laughing and shouting excitedly. James and Lily beamed at him and looked extremely proud of their son.

Later that evening Lily was sitting comfortably in her armchair, whilst James made sparks fly from his wand to amuse a giggling Harry. Frost was also quite amused.

And then it happend. The event which would change their lives forever.

There was a flash of light and the door was blown clean off it's hinges.

A figure in a dark cloak was in the doorway. Frost felt every hair on her body stand on end, her spine prickled and she was filled with so much fear she could barely contain it.

"Give me the boy" the cloaked demanded in a voice which chilled Frost to the bone.

"Lily take Harry. I'll fend him off!" James shouted.

Lily grabbed Harry and ran up the stairs.

"Foolish boy" sneered the figure, and ended James life in less than a second with a flash of green light from his stick and pursued Lily and Harry. Frost acted on pure instinct, hissing in fear, and leaping out the door frame into the night.

When Frost came back to her senses she felt like an awful coward. She should go and defend Lily and Harry. They were her only family. The Potters had saved her life. But Frost also knew it was senseless. That sinister figure in the cloak had ended James life in less than a second. She would only be leading herself into early death, which would surely be an insut to her mother and brother's memory as it served no purpose. Help no one. Frost had to know the where abouts of her family. She dashed up a tree, which was near the window in the nursery, where Lily had taken Harry.

Frost felt completely helpless when she saw Lily and Harry trapped in the nursery, only seconds away from death.

Sure enough the sinister cloaked figure laughed evilly as he broke his way into the room. Lily stood protectively infront of Harry who was sitting in his crib.

"Not Harry! Not Harry! Please, I'll do anything!" screamed Lily in desperation.

Frost felt like a terrible cat for not being able to protect the Potters from this intimate danger. When they had saved her life. When they had made her a part of their family.

_I always lose those I love the most._

"Stand aside girl" said the figure impatiently.

"No! Kill me instead! Just don't kill Harry!" Lily cried.

"I have given you a chance to escape unscathed, but now you try my patience" said the dark figure coldly.

"Avada Kedavra!" a green light flashed from its stick and Lily was dead.

This was the end. Frost knew it. The figure would kill Harry and the Potters would be no more. Frost would have no family any longer. And worst of all she was helpless to do anything.

_I wish I had died with my brother. I wish I had died in the snow like I was going to. I don't want to be alive anymore. I just want to be dead. For all the pain to go away._

Frost didn't want to watch the death of Harry. But she couldn't look away. And then that's when the miracle happend.

There was a flash of green light. But instead of killing Harry it rebounded and struck the dark figure instead.

Harry was still alive. There was still hope for the Potters.

Frost entered the house to say good-bye to the Potters one last time. She first went to James' body.

"Goodbye. You were family and I will never forget you" she murmured. Frost went upstairs to the dead Lily and the miraculously alive Harry.

"Goodbye. You were family to me and you saving your kit the way my mother sacrificed her life to save mine. I will never forget you"

Then Frost went up to Harry's crib. He was crying forlornly and it made Frost's heart break. He now had a zig-zagged scar on his forehead."Goodbye, little one. I love you as if you were my kit. Your life was spared and I wish you a long and fulfilling life. She went down the doors and bumped into a no-claw with greasy black hair who she guessed was coming to retrieve Harry.

She went outside and fled into the night.

_I will have to live alone. To fend for myself. When I get close to someone I ultimately lose them. I will never get close to anyone ever again._

**A/N I hope you enjoyed that! It was great fun to write though some parts were quite tense. Please comment and review any sort of feedback is welcome.**


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